4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
stop calling my apartment porn island.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
