Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
dude i'm inner monologue high
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Every concussion has its silver lining
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
