When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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