I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Randomize
