Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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