dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
People in love make me want to vomit
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
