malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
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