Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Randomize
