So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
