ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Randomize
