just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Randomize
