the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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