They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
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