Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
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