pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
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