Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
