I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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