u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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