I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
