he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Randomize
