I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
my poor anus
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Randomize
