Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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