Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
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