so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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