You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
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