I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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