sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
