What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
