WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
