My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
