is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
