even my farts smell like vagina
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Randomize
