i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
