I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
