Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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