She's never allowed to turn 21 again
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Randomize
