If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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