just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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