apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
