piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
