i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
