fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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