Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
