Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
