i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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