im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
