did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Randomize
