I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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