I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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