if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I skipped work to stalk him.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
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