I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize