Your dad touched me again.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
