Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize