like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
