I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
