She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
MIDGETS
????
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
