I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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