Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
