Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
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