i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
i just google imaged poop.
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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