he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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