It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize
