Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
well you can't waste a boner
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
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