Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
