You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
